You know how you go through like a week of really really bad days and then you have a day (or night) that feels like it does when you come out of a hang over? You can finally open your eyes and turn your music up and live again.
That happened to me today. I've been so frustrated and down for so long that I have grown comfortable with it all. There's a phrase that I follow and excuse me for the language:

"Shit rolls downhill."

I'm often reminded that I am sending myself into dept by chasing a career that I am only promised 3 things. 1 I will work hard. 2 I will work long hours. 3 I will work for very low pay. But I always remind those people. I buss tables 6 hours a day and 7 days a week for $6.15 an hour. I've worked where I work longer and I work harder than most of the people and all but 1 manager. I don't seek money, because I know stray when I make too much. I lust nice things if I have the money to pay for them and I get in trouble if I have too much time on my hands. I plan to die in dept. After all, the world ends the year I graduate. Haha
Here's the deal, every day was the same for me. I wake up, I go to work then I come home and turn on the tv while I put whatever tips I made in the day in a rubber band. You'd laugh if you saw how much I had rolled up.
People wouldn't come into work and I'd work twice as hard, people get fired and I work twice as hard, people call in at the last second and I work twice as hard. I would never tell my kids to work in the food industry. Retail is where it's at. Well, my daughters would work in retail and I'd almost force my sons into the food industry. Oh and by the way, fast food in no way counts. Taking orders is like being a hostess. You're stealing money, a card board cut out that says "please seat yourself" can replace you. All I have to worry about are the mexicans.

Then this prodicle son returned to his family tonight. My friends. The good kind. Oh buddy it was great. I had a REALLY bad day. Not 1 but 2 people didn't make it to work. So I had to work twice as hard twice as much. Yeah that makes perfect sense. On a sunday I usually chill and only work 1 till 4. But for the past 3 weeks sunday has become 11 till 5. All because people call in and well, shit rolls downhill.

But after work I returned to manna church. haha, my hair was short a gelled the last time I walked through those doors. People had coats on and were saying marry christmas. Lol, well not that long ago but they were wearing jackets and maybe saying "Happy V-day."
I was expecting a few nods. But it was alot more than that. Hugs and WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. I could only reply with, "busy being a prodicle son."

So my life has been a long college prank. You know that prank where you break into your friends room and move his junk only an inch every 2 weeks. Then by the end of the semester, his bed is across the room and he NEVER noticed then it finally hits him, "wasn't my stuff over by the window, I remember it being by the window..."

But yeah, that has been my life. I slipt so little and over such a loooong point in time that I never even notice. When did I start from my up high peak of being close to God and then on the very slow path to where I am now? October 15, 2001. No joke.... you broke my heart!

Haha, if you ever saw accepted you'll know what I mean. But the date is real. That's where I started on this road. But it's time to hit the road on the right path. Tonight was a great night! I can once again open my eyes and turn up the music. I can live again. Just in time too... I'm 8 shining weeks away from hopping on a plane and heading to Chicago. Boy, I can't wait for this. It still feels like yesterday that I got hit by a hand full of pennies by my best friend that knocked out a tooth.
This thanksgiving I will be will family in Tennessee. I hadn't seen my cousins in forever. So I hope this works out. I was always closer to them than I ever was with my sisters. I dunno, I just think women are wierd and adding my fathers bipolar gene and my mom um... plain crazies gene that seemed to hit everyone but me makes my family one for the books.
Oh and I still think they found me in a dumpster in Germany. Guten tug (means nothing in any language) haha
-jeff

so the thing is that I got the money and making the 750 in time. Once I do that, if I do that, then it'll mean I made and saved 1900 in a month. Which if you know me, is alot. I'll make it. I have 4 weeks. I have $100. Well, 77 but I'll have 100 by tomorrow night.
But ehhhh enough about finances. I leave in 9 1/2 weeks. I'm stoked!
-jeff

So it is quite apparent that I leave this town on July 19th. Ok so the cost for housing is biting me in the butt. Ok 2 weeks ago I had to put down a $500 deposit for the fall. Then for the bridge program I have to put down $500 this friday then $750 by June 9th. I just have a simple question....
DO THEY THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY???
Sigh, I paid the last one on my last pay check and now this one. I'll be making $250ish. And that's just half. It's due in 3 days. Well, welcome to adulthood. Haha, so I'll see what happens.
-jeff

So I was talking to a girl at work. She asked me what was the longest I've ever been in a relationship. I said 6 weeks. It shocked her. Then the truth came out. I'm not afraid of committment, I'm just afraid of trust. I choose not to commit though. It's easier not to attatch. It got to the point of my saying something that I have never told anyone...
The first girl I ever really liked was someone I had thought was so special that I worked to achieve for a long time. We had our 6 weeks, then things ended terribly fast. It crushed me. That was almost 7 years ago and I still have not gotten over it. I've had countless relationships since and I choose not to commit to any of them. I simply wait for each to end in which they do very shortly.
Because I still love that first girl. I'd never meet a girl like her. Of coarse she doesn't know it. My best friends couldn't even guess within 100 miles of it. I never even see her. I've seen her a total of 2 times since this event. Like as in, face to face. I've spoken to her several times.
I think she feels that she owes me love from someone. Several accounts where I'd try to get to the hospital to see a girlfriend or something and she'd offer me a ride that I couldn't take. Because I never cared about anyone else.
3 times I have been cheated on by girlfriends and I can honestly say that I never cared. I never felt such a pain as I felt the day she broke up with me. Even tonight, I feel as if she did it today. I'd never tell her or interfere with her fate. I feel she has found the guy for her. He's a great guy.
But I still love her. It wasn't some middle school puppy love to me. Those were the happiest days of my life and here I am at age 20 still feeling the love. I know I hold the recipe for quick break ups. She was my silver lining in the hell I call FCS.
She's my butterfly effect. If only I had done things differently.
-jeff